Ahead of the release of his upcoming solo album Remain in Stasis, Rain Over St. Ambrose’s Marc Durkee has released a video single that gets to the crux of his own experiences. “A Way to Escape” digs deep into Durkee’s struggle with depersonalization, the challenges of trying to find yourself and, ultimately, the role that plays in his creative process.
“I suffer from something called ‘depersonalization disorder,’ which is a lingering symptom of stress and depression, and it’s very difficult to put into words what it feels like,” explains Durkee.
“I feel very disconnected and detached from my own body and reality a lot of the time. And while that is unfortunate, it’s at my lowest points when I’m the most creative. This song is a product of one of those times.”
Depersonalization disorder is characterized as repeatedly experiencing moments with a sense that you’re observing yourself from outside your body. The flip side of this condition is derealization disorder, the experience of seeing your surroundings as being unreal or part of a dream. Mike Trask similarly wrote an album about this in 2017. It’s estimated that roughly 2% of people will experience symptoms like this at some point in their life.
In the video, Durkee depicts dealing with his condition through frantic and futile running to what seems like nowhere at all. Eventually, the video’s protagonist hits her limit and breaks down, but rallies to fearlessly make a stand. The video also demonstrates the benefits of regular cardio.
The track’s dark edge gives the song a early 2000s post-grunge/alt-rock feel. Durkee cites bands like Tesseract and Coheed & Cambria as inspirations.
While Durkee says the episodic nature of depersonalization might occasionally take the enjoyment out of performing, it hasn’t been anything he can’t handle.
“We opened up for Said The Whale at the Olympic Hall earlier this year. It was awesome and I was having a good time, but about halfway through our set the depersonalization kicked in, and I was taken out of it somewhat. It puts a damper on things, and for some reason the symptoms tend to be worse in a big venue like that.”
“I wish there was some sort of treatment or therapy for my particular problem, but unfortunately it remains a bit of a mystery to medical professionals. At least I’ve got two feet and a heartbeat though, so I try not to complain. I’m thankful to have music as a creative outlet.”
Marc Durkee’s Remain in Stasis is set to be released January 18th, 2019.